Tantric Blog QnA

Greetings! I am a tantric sensual energy artist and practitioner for those in Fairfield, Stamford, Greenwich, Westchester, NYC and for commuters. They may commence there search by searching for a sensual massage provider and instead find me.

I am a seasoned sex researcher, educator, embodiment coach and clinical psychologist. I have studied Tibetan Buddhist Tantra, the Tao and Tantra and Kundalini. I have hosted Tantra teachers from around the world and had some of the most interesting guides. I have taught sex education and shared my research and Tantric courses at the national level at AASECT and SSSS conventions many times.

I activate and play with energy choreographies (energy is also called prana or qi or mana). The Tantras are ancient methods kept sacred and secret for centuries. And for good reason!

I invoke visualizations and Tantric movements within you and between us. I have over years, created a very specific series of activation methods. They are highly specialized and powerful. Together, we use the methods to form of deep profound emptying of the mind and quieting the body; total and complete safety, peace and slow brain waves. At the same time the method, and our synergy offer profound sensual awakening: tingling, vibrating, pulsating within and around you. They also can give a student the power to access the esoteric realm. In 2005, I coined the  method; Tantrassage. I offer chakra clearing and balancing and meridian sensory activation, somatic embodiment & kinetic coaching and energy (qi) touch groups and private sessions in New York City, Westchester, NY, Fairfield County: Greenwich, Ct and Stamford, Ct. My practice includes commuters, locals, and those who wish to venture from anywhere to me in order to experience the unique journey I co-create for each of us. Some come from Dubai and Oman, Europe and Canada.

SPRING: As we emerge from isolation this spring, it is important to conduct a cleansing of our bodies and minds. Exercise, eliminating junk, fast and comfort foods, I invite you to explore foods with less sauce, cleaner food/organic, gluten free, dairy free, less animal meats, less mercury-infused fish, less sugars, and rancid fats. Everything good you do and put in your mouth and in your body translates to a more vibrant mind and body. Also, the less  alcohol you ingest in your life makes your journey and carry over much more intense because alcohol is an anesthetic. It dulls your energy field and drastically lessons your ability to affect what you attract. Let us also do a cleansing of our minds and energies using the Tantric arts of sound healing, movement, breath and touch.

COVID:Recent thoughts and dialogues: We feel lonely and stressed during Covid and these uncertain political and economic times.  With depression, anxiety, frustration weighing in on individuals, marriages, families and communities, how can we love, cultivate intimacy, and our sexual appetite be channeled in the name of wellness? Our needs for intimacy and love, nourishment, and peace are vital. We need gentle guidance on how to cultivate states of bliss so absent in our lives. Tantra is a beautiful way to approach our emotional, mental, physical, energetic and spiritual needs. Can we reconnect to our partners and to others during these times? Yes, there are a myriad of Tantric pathways to reconnect to ourselves and each other and safely, using new guidelines and innovative methods. Intention and attention to each and every detail is an art, during these times.

WOMEN: Many women reach out to me. Some women have never had an orgasm. They may be referred to me by their therapists, their partners. Other times, women have lost interest or become disillusioned with sex and intimacy or with their partners. The magic dance that once existed with their mates is lost. They come with a longing, a hope, to be revived  with their dormant powers and mine, and the nourishment we all crave to surrender, forgive, relax and once again open our hearts. I use a tried and true method with women to co-create and  cultivate erotic yearning. To open blockages due to a yang lifestyle that literally leaves us cut off at the head. I have been coaching women for more than 20 years. They wish to initiate dialogues and discuss topics openly and honestly w/ their partners, so they can evolve together. Some are on a quest to revisit the sensual second chakra source to harness a spiritual path and/or a more meaningful way to express eros. Others wish to strike out on a new journey with new partners, to open their marriages, or to even explore bi-sensuality.

MEN: Men come for many reasons. Some are referred by MD’s to address the psychological, emotional and energy portions of ED,  some because they are bored and want to expand their repertoire or become students of their inner erotic alchemy and perhaps, integrate it with their other chakras and expand consciousness. Many come to experience the wonders of shamanic tantra using the support of medicine. Some want to elevate their I.Q. as it pertains to connecting, touching, and pleasing their partners. I am delighted to be a guide. I emphasize that before a man can become a sexual “handyman” to his partner(s), he must be equally fascinated and turn inward to master his own blocks and drive.


He learn the methods to enable him to become an inner alchemist. As he dances with the priestess, surrenders to her and relaxes, he connects to powerful energies and is teleported to higher vibratory frequencies, dimensions and portals to ecstatic ecstatic states that last for days. He gleans the mysteries to a woman’s heart, yoni, and soul. Pleasuring practices are transmitted and verified. His heart and body are as open as the sky. Additionally, he learns how to ground, circulate and rebuild qi.

Sensual massage is often what men seek. They desperately need a a respite from the high intensity and insanity, the constant demands and pressures. Tantrassage is so much more. It is a portal to all of this and more.





GROUPS: If you have a group ( 2 or more), we can arrange a Q n’ A or a gathering and  create a list of topics your group wants to address or practice, once, or on rotating format at your home or mine. Some topics are: re-opening the hearts, embodiment, discover our love for one another, or any one of the infinite intimacy practices for men and women to last longer and dance the ecstatic dance.

INJURIES AND PAIN: The Taoists and yogis know we can use the Tantras (methods) to heal or moderate pain, sore muscles, injuries, disease, impingements, open blockages that affect work, create profound relaxation, enhance and rebuild relationships, redefine intimacy and experience a joy and bliss rarely experienced. Poor posture, lack of breath, yang lifestyle, and lost in the monkey mind make quick fixes no last. You can go to the chiropractor, or acupuncturist or even yoga class. Yet until you use and remember to use the method in your daily life, those quick fixes, wont last.

PEACE AND BLISS: When we are at peace and blissful, we can still be focused, but more effective. Having a lighter energy field around us, we perceive in healthier ways, see more options, are less devastated by setbacks and attract positive energy to us. When our hearts are open, we feel forgiveness and see infinite possibilities.

INNER ALCHEMY: Many of us channel our erotic awareness externally towards other people, fantasy, and toward pornography. Therefore we are beginners as students of inner alchemy. We rarely , if ever, experience the erotically activated and mind-integrated embodiment that can harness extraordinary sensations. These heightened sensations are so off-the-charts, so wondrous and ecstatic that my clients are astounded! As a sensual energy bodyworker, I show you how to telecommunicate with your currents of qi. We focus first inwards so you can verify the journey is real and become proficiency and vast repertoires you never knew were available within. This process is so peaceful.  We discover we have extraterrestrial-like mind-body intelligence that lies dormant and/or suppressed. We are capable of  experiencing and integrating a far more powerful presence than you ever dreamed. You can channel inner alchemy and cultivate infinite beneficial and moving moments no matter what is happening around you. It is a new balance of power that makes you immensely attractive, capable and alive! The possibilities for your life are infinite!

So often we seek hyper stimulation over relaxation. Stimulation involves the sympathetic autonomic nervous system; governing excitement and preparing the body for action. Primal sex “drive” prevents relaxation and integration of the parasympathetic system in regular intervals through the day. The repercussions from over-stimulation of the body’s physical health are chronic stress/tension and cortisol burn out, sex addiction, chasing highs yet with greater difficulty getting aroused over time, and limiting experience and possibilities.

Erotic over-stimulation bias is how most people currently experience eros and sex.  They may know no other way than to masturbate or have quick sex to “relax”. In contrast, we can become aware of our body’s natural rhythms, breath and sensual full body pulse waves. We can learn to develop slow long deep embodied erotic Tantric pleasure pulse waves. I enable you to plug into my electromagnetic currents so you can feel them circulating in your body  This is one of the highest embodied art forms; offering esoteric and mystical experiences imbued with eros, peace and love. It alters our posture and alignment and gifts us with an utter clarity and joy. Pleasure is a deep well-spring felt everywhere.. in all chakras, in all qi currents in the body, in all our relationships, in all our energy fields around our bodies and our entire social and business network. We verify access to the interconnected energy network and channel slow pleasure mastery at each moment. The experiences are extraordinary. Once students experience this, they search for words to describe what their experiences are. Sex or eros is so much more. It is a surrendering to sensory meridian and a pranic practice supporting quantum consciousness, macro-micro awareness, experience and quantum change.

Through regular conscious practice, we develop new pathways for sensations arousal, which gives us vast choice and capacity for experience in every aspect of life. Erotic sexological bodywork involves kinetic somatic and embodied education, coaching, meditation, and guidance, anatomy and neurology, meridians and supports acquiring and integrating our erotic and somatic development into our blueprint and matrix.

ENERGY: Every currents in our body are connected. Bio-electromagnetic energy is an entire network within and around us. Powerful bliss is not isolated to just the sexual region. My students quickly see they can harness this source energy. They can channel it and feel ecstatic bliss in every moment. Amplification of sensual energy includes mentally, physically, spiritually, energetically, and interpersonally. During the journeys, we are cleansed, flowing, and super awake yet clear headed, and calm. This makes up vibrate at a different frequency and attract “like” energies. And we can also affect the energies around us for the better.

Sometimes, the Tantric process can feel disorienting due to shifts in perception and normalcy. The monkey mind, the tyrannical mind and the tyranny of being run ragged by the ego ceases, we are liberated and open to so much more. Emptying the monkey mind and declutter and nonsensical mental reifications your mind recants every second every minute, ceases during a session with me. Well then, what remains? Consciousness! Sensory Mental Clarity! Embodied Presence!  As disembodied heads clear and learn to connect to our bodies, our perceptions and our bodies change. Journeying opens up new portals of perception and physicality. New mind-body communications and choreographies with new outcomes. You mean it is healthy and possible to coordinate with our bodies at every moment and that this ability is healthy and empowering? YES!

As students of tantric alchemy, we not only verify this method works, we can then choose what to do as we develop proficiency with our inner power. The implications are far greater than simply chasing a single genital orgasm. Guided to finally surrender and be, we feel both light; yet grounded, free and in balance. We can choose to cultivate the Tantric methods I have developed and synthesized over decades and feel bliss both within and around us. We can surrender and paradoxically be more powerful. We let go and are still. In time, we see and feel the amazing positive effects from connecting to the pathways. We  realize we now can telepathically communicate to and choreograph with source energy within and around our bodies and within the entire matrix.  We can presence our inner networks’ connections to our lives, energies around us, the flow, new directions, people, and new ways of being with our energy fields and with the fields of  others and events of all kinds.

Some QnA’s:

L and E: We have been a couple for 2 decades. But L is needing to learn how to shift from yang to yin, how to quell her. anxiety and need for control. How many sessions can we expect to see real change? The answer varies per couple and individual and how willing, able and intentionally committed to change they are. As it turns out for this couple, 3 couple sessions, 2 individual sessions for her, 1 individual session for him and lastly, an extended shamanic journey for her. The end result was a transformative woman who had rewired her brain and learned the method and a very supportive partner. They shared with me they married recently and she changed professions.

D: A 65 yo gentlemen recently divorced man comes to me after 20 years of marriage. He believes he is impotent. He has not had an erection in years and the marital couple had been abstinent for years due to her lack of desire. After doing a careful screening of medications that interfere, reviewing blood work results, etc., it was discovered that as we began to reframe his life and mental constructs such as his failures to “chapters in his life learning book” and reframing using rebirthing and phoenix fyre paradigms he responded very positively emotionally, physically and energetically. During energy work he realized, to his astonishment, that he was not impotent. Instead he was virile! With his new experiences, he has been enjoying his newly rediscovered ability to feel arousal, longings, joy, bliss, long lasting erections and orgasms. His vibrance is undeniable. This is a story of how we can become lost spiraling down a dark sink-holes… for decades. We can forget how to cultivate and sustain magic in our lives. The good news is through a fresh perspective and vibrant Tantric-energy exchanges, a man is rediscovering his vigor, zest, power, courage, self-assuredness. Now in his life, he is once again able to feel full erections.

D: A New England couple state they have been cooped up for three months in a house together and it has never been more apparent to them how boring their sex life is. They ask how they can expand their repertoire. . My answer is there is such a wide diversity of opportunities for you to grow spiritually sexually sexually and emotionally as well as booster your immune system and your sexual self-esteem And intelligence. Feel free to look over my website and call me to discuss

D: Many of my Tantric students may be first time browsers. They begin their journey and in one session, claim they are in awe experiencing such profound vibrations, intense currents and frequencies. Having now glimpsed the authenticity of authentic Tantric methods and verified the effects. Intrigued, they can accept the invitation to delve deeper into the practice and often wish to continue to discover their unique powers and effects. There are so many practical applications of the methods. They recognize the benefits of becoming more proficient with their own energies so that when they approach intimacy with their partner(s), they have motivation for changing the status quo and accessing their vast repertoire.  This realization shifts the intention, focus, and depth of intimacy. The rewards, the journeys are infinite!

D: A woman, wife, and mother of 3 in Greenwich wants to expand her repertoire of experiences. She feels closed down and knows there is so much more she can feel and experience. She wants to know if she can benefit from coming in without her partner. The emphatic answer is ‘yes’. I assist as a pranic midwife, to clear, heal, and open up energy flow and connect and weave erotic energies to the entire spectrum of consciousness.

Women’s work can be very deep and beneficial to experience on their own first. We can share and involve your partner a little later down the path, if you both are interested. As you complete the session(s), we can activate the keys to the entire matrix and witness/observe how this compels and opens you to possibilities. It is then very exciting to bring him in, at a certain point, and expand his knowledge and experience in the Tantric arts of weaving embodiment, intimacy and consciousness.

D: A couple from NYC come for their second session. On the phone, husband states he wants to learn how to “make my wife squirt”. So let us identify issues inherent in this request. First, he wants to be a doer, to DO something TO her. This is a common focus in men. Yet, if he does not care about his own Alchemy, he is really hampering his powers as a partner as well as his limiting own extraordinary journey and the higher ecstatic dance by co-participating engaging his own erotic energy into his own energy matrix.  Second, it is  an assertive agenda, on demand. Women cannot always respond to this. Third, the intention is stated “make” which may put a lot of performance pressure on her, me and himself. WE need time to get into that phase. 4 hours is advised. Fourth, there are so many elements  that need to be woven together to create this sacred tantric alchemy: extremely deep mental, physical, energetic, emotional, spiritual and esoteric and intersubjective aspects to this art form.  Amrita and yoni rituals are a high art, not a performance demand. The husband’s stance was that at home, he can “put her in doggy style coitus and get her to ‘squirt’ in 10 mins”. Well, that is great, yet we have the opportunity to introduce a magical  whole new extremely powerful paradigm, if the couple are both willing. It will open up an entire energy network and map of intimacy and love making, play, fun, deep connection and rewards unfathomable.

D: I have been asked by many women, “How many types of orgasms are there for women?” There are many types of orgasms a woman (or a man) may have. Clitoral, g-spot, deep orgasms that ignite from the front of the vaginal walls or from the back, cervical orgasms, pelvic floor orgasms, and full body and energy orgasms are the most powerful ones. However, there are many more powerful, for example, nipple and anal orgasms. Studies show that women who stay orgasmic are happier and healthier.



As women evolve, they can have more types of orgasms. It has a lot to do with becoming proficient and practicing methods that help women relax and surrender as well as attending to muscles and energy currents and brain circuitry. Be mindful and creative and involve a loving informed partner.

D: A woman from Westchester, NY asks: I keep getting UTI’s from sex. I never used to and now that I am middle aged, it is a problem.

A: yes, it is true for both sexes…age affects libido and the entire yoni for women. So when I meet women, I talk about ways to prevent her from getting UTI’s AND how to increase libido. It is a fact…you CAN get it back and even stronger.

D: A 45 yo man from Westchester, NY comes  struggling with ED (erectile dysfunction). He had ER surgery for calcium kidney stones. He was severely traumatized by a nurse practitioner and thought that was why he had ED. His story was sad and empathy was appropriate. More probing revealed that he was prescribed two drugs that we looked up and are known to cause impotence. He had gone to several urologists afterward and shared his struggle. No one explained to him the side effects of these meds cause impotence. It is important to not take any Dr’s prescriptions as the absolute answer. I encouraged him to seek a new urologist who is open to work with holistic eastern medicine. There is Chinese medicine/accupuncture, Ayurvedic medicine and nutrition/herbs/cleanses and diet changes that can support healthy kidneys and prevention/dissolving of stones. This approach can bring back his libido. He is in charge of his destiny. There is hope if you claim ownership of the process and seek second and third opinions. Meanwhile, there are all kinds of extraordinary sensual-erotic Tantric energy alternatives to the shame, low self esteem cycle and pressure of coitus  he has been living with. He left awakened and open to a whole new realm of empowerment. I feel honored to be a part of his awakening.

Q/A: A man in Norwalk, CT. returns to study with me after being treated for  peyronies disease. This disease is genetic; those with family with it have a tendency to get it. There is also conjecture that it can come from injury during sex. There is no cure per se. It causes the penis to curve often so severely that sex is impossible and can be very painful. It also shortens the penis. It often happens in 40’s to 60’s for some men, but can also afflict younger men. Men who have connective tissue Dupuytren’s contracture often get peyronies disease. Ultrasound is the most commonly used test for penis abnormalities. Ultrasound tests use sound waves to produce images of soft tissues. These tests can show the presence of scar tissue, blood flow to the penis and any other abnormalities.  There is a Dr at the Mayo Clinic in Florida that does surgery on the penis. This was absolutely NOT an option this male was interested in! It horrified him as it can make the condition far worse! Instead, he was referred to an expert urologist who has worked with hundreds of men with this disease. Instead of surgery, there is a new drug FDA approved, Xiaflex, which over 7 injections over about 8 weeks, dissolves enough of the plaque causing most severe curvature and hardness. It cannot totally eradicate the condition, but can turn it from a 45 degree hard invert, to a soft arc instead. The 5 year struggle to finally partially heal and accept this was initially experienced as denial, anger, shame, hopelessness, depression and anxiety. Things that helped: faith, gratitude for all he does have and can do compared to so many more unfortunate beings, support with experience from someone he could talk to, and persistence in finding the treatment that resonated.  If you suffer from this condition, seek a consult with Dr Broderick and his team at Memorial Sloan Kettering, in NYC. Today this student has built his confidence back up and he has begun to explore intimacy with his new partner. We focused on the positives and how the penis arc has advantages for his partner; in various positions in coitus. the arc is a sure way to touch g -spot in his partner. Also we focused on sensual touch and prolonging intimacy rituals with his partner, pleasure and joy not contingent on coitus.

Q: A couple interested in Tantra massage and intimacy in Westchester, NY write:  My partner has masturbated so much, that it has become an obstacle for us to be intimate. He requires such an intense robotic motion to peak. I cannot perform like that. He has to do it himself and it is actually painful to watch him re-enact this. I want to support him, but…

A: Rediscover/look to the arts of Tantra and touch, Tantra and healing, Tantra and sensual touch. The value of intimacy energies that are yin, soft, slow, light, gentle rhythms and downshifting eros, is invaluable. You two, and all partners, can reconnect and become aroused using the subtle energy fields. It is magic.

Q: A Woman asking about Tantra, massage and coaching in West Plains, NY, shares: My husband and I have no connection. It is like a dead zone. I still want that connection. Is there any hope for me, for us?

A: Yes there is always hope. From death to a beautiful rebirth and unfolding love affair. The challenge is the sacred act of intimacy and connection and pleasure/lust have become imbalanced, estranged and dichotomized. They can  re-woven through couple’s Tantric intimacy coaching. You can learn all the ingredients to rediscover connection and sexual expressions.

Q: A couple from a sex and intimacy study group in Stamford, Ct asks, When and why do men and women stop wanting sex?

A: People stop for many reasons. We get lost in stress, resentments, distractions, attachments, routines, negative thoughts, extreme lifestyle imbalances. We forget how to live in the moment, to be present and make each and every act mindfully. Balanced healthy sexual desire can easily disappear if we do not lovingly nourish and culture it. There are certainly changes in our bodies and these changes affect individuals and partners differently. However, at all stages of life, there are  diverse ways to stay sexual, sensual, and erotic and experience pleasure and to enjoy the health, psychological and emotional benefits. Studies overwhelmingly indicate that sex is important at all ages and that people and couples who stay sexually active are happier and live longer and share more connection with one another. There are certainly changes in our bodies and these changes affect individuals and partners differently. However, at all stages of life, there are  diverse ways to stay sexual, sensual, and erotic and experience pleasure and to enjoy the health, psychological and emotional benefits.


Q: A man in Stamford, Ct, asks: how long does it take to learn Tantra? 

A: Most people will have a radically different experience in their first Tantra session, feeling vibrating energy in parts of their body never felt before. They will also feel more intense and extended arousal. With a few sessions, you can develop proficiency in how you wield this energy in various aspects of living. The possibilities are endless; a life long practice..or a glimpse. Once you learn it, you will attract different partners who can dance with you, or you may choose to invite your partner to have sessions with you.

Q: A woman in White Pains, NY asks: How can Tantra help my partner last longer? 

A: Using the methods of Tantra, BOTH of you will learn truly be in the moment erotically with your own erotic powers, not pull at his seeds, shift from goals and instead “dance” with slow eros and extend and redefine pleasure and orgasms physiologically and energetically so you can both last for as long as you want.

Q: A man in Westport, Ct: I am an outdoorsman. I have Lyme disease. It was not diagnosed for some time. It has affected or lowered my libido and sexual desire and performance. Can you talk about this issue and possible solutions?

A: I am sorry for this circumstance. I trust you have an excellent medical team working with you. Get multiple opinions. There are erectile medications, testosterone cremes, antibiotics, along with supportive herbs Astragalus root and Teasel, etc. From a Tantric/Qi perspective, do not give up. There is still so much to explore and discover: where and how to create sensual energy/qi and waves of pleasure in the body. Once you discover this, you can create a variety of Tantric intimacy rituals for you with your partner(s).

Q: A woman in Greenwich, Ct: I My husband is wonderful. I have a very strong libido. My partner does not. He has great resistance to sex. He works very long hours. Our two children are about to leave for college. We had a 3rd child unexpectedly. If and when I am able to get him to be with me, he cannot get aroused, or if he does, either he does not have orgasm or is premature. 

A: The addition, has added stress on him and the marriage. He may be overwhelmed, anxious, probably does not feel he can talk about it and may also even be resentful; yet guilty. I highly recommend couples like this seeking therapy and intimacy coaching. In the meantime, you may offer him a massage without ANY expectations beyond receiving nourishment. Pleasure yourself and ask him to watch:). There are some lovely intimacy rituals for this issue.

Q: A man in Darian, Ct says: I want to be respectful but I feel what want most is coitus. 

A: I understand. And if you want that, feel free to find a partner  for that purpose. For me and students of alchemy and Tantra, this traditional way of viewing sex and intimacy pales in comparison. In my long experience, the level of intimacy, connection, arousal, touch and ecstatic bliss is infinitely more gratifying if you can suspend that “goal” and practicing Tantric methods with another tantric partner or Tantric student. Your surrender will allow a true Tantric practitioner, to open your heart, inspire you to linger and witness the intensity of all your senses. Pranic play can bring so intimately close to your partner, that you will be awestruck, deeply in love, deeply present, magnetized and feel equally at peace and electrified. This is because you are tapped into the source. Holding your power as a man, changes your auric field, your luminescence and effervescense. You will vibrate for days and yet be clear headed and at peace; sleep like a baby. Now, if you lead using the traditional typical sexual method, the magic, the bliss, the profundity of alchemy will be short circuited and squelched. Instead, once you feel the pathway, you can channel this awesome energy into all the currents and rivers in your body. And each chakra has its own journey. You can channel this energy w/ source and cosmic energy field. Your state of consciousness will be infinite and multi-dimensional.  For those seeking to raise their sensual intelligence and embody sentience, Tantric intimacy is an amazing path. It is readily available to you if you are willing and open minded. And if both partners practice the method, infinite is the journeys the two of you can co-create.

Q; A husband in Westchester, NY says his wife is in her 60’s and has zero interest in him touching her or vice versa. He says this drives him crazy. 

A: A woman has lived through 400+ menstrual cycles, countless sexual encounters the “old way”, lived through possible miscarriages/abortion/childbirths and now her hormones are significantly reduced . With all hormones decreased significantly research suggests 65-86% of postmenopausal women are not active and experience no libido, pain and dryness. What this points to is potentially exciting news!~ Yet, women need to be willing to investigate this dead erotic zone. Is it worth reviving? If they are willing, I highly suggest they attend one of my Woman’s Womb groups; led by a highly educated and seasoned facilitator. Women can learn from each other, heal past experiences, be empowered, and reconnect with their wombs and vulvas. Women can discover new pathways to reclaim sensual pleasure. The Tantras are an excellent re-orientation to the body and erotic energy. Once women are open to this new amazing powerhouse to energy, their husbands/partners can learn how to be tantric partners and re-access sensual erotic energies. This takes a bit of training because all of our approach to sexuality and intimacy is evolving. Once men are shown  these extraordinary new ways to approach their own energy and the energy of their partner, intimacy is again highly probably! Men may learn new ways to approach being aroused also, and how to control and channel their arousal and to understand the power of intention. Then their partners can be very willing to engage!

Why women tend to avoid sex as they age

Posted by Lola Bastinado  – October 16, 2017 6:55 PM

As you all know I LOVE the medical journal articles. I found this one written by: Check this one out …. thoughts?

New research investigates the reasons behind why aging women tend to lose interest in sex after going through menopause.

The findings will be presented at the North American Menopause Society (NAMS) Annual Meeting, which will be held in Philadelphia, PA. Dr. Amanda Clark, from the Kaiser Permanente Center for Health Research in Portland, OR, is the lead author of the study.

The research examines the prevalence of so-called genitourinary syndrome of menopause (GSM) among postmenopausal women, and how it impacts women’s ability to enjoy sex.

GSM is the collective name for the range of vaginal and urinary tract issues affecting women who are either going through menopause or who are postmenopausal.

Common GSM symptoms include bladder control problems and pain during sex, or dyspareunia, which tends to occurs because the vaginal walls become thinner with age.

Studying GSM symptoms in aging women

From March to October 2015, Dr. Clark and her colleagues surveyed more than 1,500 women aged 55 and above using email.

The women were predominantly white, and nearly half (48 percent) of them reported not having had any sexual activity in the 6 months leading up to the study.

The women were approached within 2 weeks after they had visited their primary care physician or gynecologist, and the researchers selected the participants using electronic health records. In the survey, the women were asked about their history of “vulvovaginal, urinary, and sexual symptoms.”

The researchers compiled questions from the International Uro-gynecology Association-Revised Pelvic Organ Prolapse/Incontinence Sexual Questionnaire, and they combined them with similar questions that they designed specifically for vulvovaginal atrophy symptoms.

Fear of painful sex makes women avoid it

The main self-reported reasons for why women were not sexually active were lack of a partner, with 47 percent of respondents saying that this was the case, or the partner’s “lack of interest or physical inability,” with 55 percent of participants responding thusly.

However, in addition to these, the respondents reported several medical reasons. “Bladder leaks, urgency, or too frequent urination” was noted by 7 percent of the women, while 26 percent of them said that their sexual inactivity was “due to vulvovaginal dryness, irritation, or pain,” and 24 percent said that dyspareunia was the main reason.

Sexually active women also reported feeling “pain or discomfort” while having sex, with 45 percent of them saying that they “usually” or “always” feel such pain. Also, 7 percent of these women said that they experienced urine leakage during intercourse.

Vaginal dryness was another common problem, and 64 of the women who did not use lubricant reported experiencing this issue.

Overall, “[For] both sexually active and inactive women, fear of experiencing [painful sex] was reported as [the] reason for avoiding or restricting sex more often […] than fear of bladder symptoms,” write the authors.

More specifically, 20 percent of the women reported a fear of vulvovaginal atrophy symptoms, while just 9 percent reported a fear of bladder control symptoms.

Dr. Clark and her colleagues conclude, “Postmenopausal women report that [GSM] symptoms occur during sexual activity. Further, these symptoms limit the ability to be sexually active and negatively affect the emotional experience of their sexual life.”

Our findings underscore the need to further expand the sexual history after a woman reports that she is not currently sexually active.”

Strengths and limitations of the study

Speaking to Medical News Today about her research, Dr. Clark said, “[The strengths of the study were that] we evaluated the full age spectrum for postmenopausal women, up to age 89, [and that] we [were] able to link survey and electronic health record data.”

Dr. JoAnn Pinkerton, the executive director of the NAMS, also weighs in on the findings, saying, “This study provides just one more reason why healthcare providers need to have an open and honest discussion with peri- and postmenopausal women so that appropriate treatments options can be evaluated.”

But Dr. Clark noted some limitations of the study, as well. She told MNT, “Our study population differs from the general population in that these women had sought preventive care. We evaluated women immediately after a well-woman visit.”

“Also,” she continued, “women in our study may have increased awareness of GSM since they volunteered to participate in a study named ‘Yes to Vulvovaginal Health.'”

She said that future research should test the findings in larger cohorts. “[The] next steps,” Dr. Clark concluded, “are to continue to find ways to include sexually inactive women in studies of sexual function related to GSM.”

Q: A 39 man in Stamford, Ct says his wife does not want him to touch her.

A: There are many reasons for this. So a thorough investigation of the relationship is worth exploring. Do they have conflicts/resentments/hurt, do they have young children, depression/anxiety, are they both working too much? These can all add to having little energy left invest in sexuality and if there are conflicts, partners often will not be open to intimacy. Refusal to let a partner touch them is a way partners say, I don’t like something about you and us. It could also be as simple as touch, quite rapidly leads to sex, especially for men. And if a woman even senses this, she may recoil. Especially if the male has not learned the art of touch, touch intentions and touch without an agenda to stimulate sexual organs and have coitus. Therefore, it is highly recommended that men take courses or study the art of touch, touch intentions and touch without an agenda to stimulate sexual organs and have coitus. Sensual erotic touch has not been taught in our cultures and it is time men take the initiative to elevate their sensual intelligence.

Q: A man from Greenwich, Ct says he wants to learn how to please a woman.

A: This is so often brought up in sessions or workshops. Many men are actually not turned on if their women is not turned on. This can set up an obligatory requirement that women must feel aroused and if not, they move into obligatory mode and fake or worst yet, avoid intimacy. Other men have been rather self focused and genuinely want to expand their intimacy repertoire. I will say that before a man can please anyone, he needs to be proficient in understanding and channeling erotic energy in his own body.  He needs to hold his own space and not energetically suck, pull or demand the energy of a woman. He also can become aware that he may be using his hands much like hardware tools. Through no fault of his own, his methods may be outdated. I highly recommend he learn the various options for channeling erotic source energy in a Tantric session focused on Taoist Tantra and Kundalini Tantra. I also highly recommend he learn the art of touch, layers of prank,  phases of touch and sensuality vs sexuality.

Q A man from Manhattan, NY says he wants to learn how to last longer during sex.

A: There are Tantric Methods that were devised to transmute sexual energy and redistribute this energy to other chakras. To achieve your goal, you can learn the methods and move the energy up or down.

Q: A couple from Greenwich, Ct as, What is Tantrassage, or Tantric Massage? Why is it important to my husband, my wife and our sexuality?

A: Tantra is NOT massage. I fused these words to create volition. Tantrassage is a signature method unique to me. It includes a fusion of breath, muscles, body, mind, energy-body work, touch and the erotic connection between two people. I facilitate the ability to create a phenomenal experience between 2 beings  that is sensual/erotic and therapeutic, relaxing, healing and nourishing. The erotic energy connection opens up blockages, resets the brain waves, and clears the mind. You may be able to feel full body waves, as the Taoists say, and become the multi-orgasmic woman/man. These “orgasms” are not contingent on for example, erection nor ejaculation. They take the best part of having an orgasm, which is energy, and when guided proficiently, amplify and intensify this energy throughout the entire body; again and again. When these full body waves occur, you can connect to all energy centers and channels in your body and have a very powerful experiences that are unfathomable, challenging to describe; unless you are a poet. They are cosmic, heartfelt, esoteric bliss and vast oneness. The waves and journey is still connected and anchored to your eros, but it so much more. Tantrassage is so much more. It is yin and sensual. Partners learn how to connect to themselves and each other through a new magical method. It is extremely powerful. An educated seasoned guide is crucial.

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Today I helped connect another sentient being to the awesome power.