Tantric Blog and Q’s

Over time as a tantric practitioner, energy body worker, sex researcher/educator and psychologist with AASECT and SSSS and in my groups/sessions, I am asked questions.  To learn more, please contact me to inquire about sessions or groups. No part of this may be reproduced without the expressed permission by Dr DeviLisa, 2004-to current.

Q: A man in Westport, Ct: I am an outdoorsman. I have Lyme disease. It was not diagnosed for some time. It has affected my sexuality. Can you talk about this issue and possible solutions?

A: I am sorry. I trust you have an excellent medical team working with you. Get multiple opinions. There are erectile medications, testosterone cremes, antibiotics, along with supportive herbs Astragalus root and Teasel, etc. From a Tantric/Qi perspective, do not give up. There is still so much to explore and discover: where and how to create sensual energy/qi and waves of pleasure in the body. Once you discover this, you can create a variety of intimacy rituals for you with your partner(s).

Q: A woman in Greenwich, Ct: I My husband is wonderful. I have a very strong libido. He does not. He has great resistance to sex. He works very long hours. Our two children are about to leave for college. We had a 3rd child unexpectedly. If and when I am able to get him to be with me, he cannot get aroused, or if he does, either he does not have orgasm or is premature. 

A: The addition, has added stress on him and the marriage. He may be overwhelmed, anxious, probably does not feel he can talk about it and may also even be resentful; yet guilty. I highly recommend couples therapy and intimacy coaching. In the meantime, you may offer him a massage without ANY expectations beyond receiving nourishment. Pleasure yourself and ask him to watch:). There are some lovely intimacy rituals for this issue.

Q: A man in Darian, Ct says: I want to be respectful but I feel what want most is coitus. 

A: I understand. And if you want that, feel free to find a partner  for that purpose. For me and students of alchemy and Tantra, this traditional ritual, pales in comparison. In my long experience, the level of intimacy, connection, arousal, touch and ecstatic bliss is infinitely more gratifying if you can suspend that “goal” and practicing Tantric methods with another tantric partner. Your surrender will allow a true Tantric practitioner, to open your heart, inspire you to linger and witness the intensity of all your senses. Pranic play can bring  so intimately close to your partner, that you will be awestruck, deeply in love, deeply present, magnetized and both at peace and electrified. Now you are tapped into source. Following, yet still  holding your power as a man, changes your auric field, your luminescense/effervescense. You will vibrate for days and yet be clear headed and at peace; sleep like a baby. Now, if you lead using the traditional typical method, the magic, the bliss, the profundity of alchemy will be short circuited and squelched. Once you feel the pathway, you can channel this awesome energy into all your chakras. Each chakra has its own journey. You can channel this energy w/ source and cosmic energy field. Your state of consciousness will be infinite and multi-dimensional.  For those seeking to raise their sensual intelligence and embody sentience, Tantric intimacy is an amazing path. It is readily available to you if you are willing and open minded. And if both partners practice the method, infinite is the journeys the two of you can co-create.

Q; A husband in Westchester, NY says his wife is in her 60’s and has zero interest in him touching her or vice versa. He says this drives him crazy. 

A: A woman has lived through 400+ menstrual cycles, countless sexual encounters the “old way”, lived through possible miscarriages/abortion/childbirths and now her hormones are significantly reduced . With all hormones decreased significantly research suggests 65-86% of postmenopausal women are not active and experience no libido, pain and dryness. What this points to is potentially exciting news!~ Yet, women need to be willing to investigate this dead erotic zone. Is it worth reviving? If they are willing, I highly suggest they attend one of my Woman’s Womb groups; led by a highly educated and seasoned facilitator. Women can learn from each other, heal past experiences, be empowered, and reconnect with their wombs and vulvas. Women can discover new pathways to reclaim sensual pleasure. The Tantras are an excellent re-orientation to the body and erotic energy. Once women are open to this new amazing powerhouse to energy, their husbands/partners can learn how to be tantric partners and re-access sensual erotic energies. This takes a bit of training because all of our approach to sexuality and intimacy is evolving. Once men are shown  these extraordinary new ways to approach their own energy and the energy of their partner, intimacy is again highly probably! Men may learn new ways to approach being aroused also, and how to control and channel their arousal and to understand the power of intention. Then their partners can be very willing to engage!

Q: A 39 man in Stamford, Ct says his wife does not want him to touch her.

A: There are many reasons for this. So a thorough investigation of the relationship is worth exploring. Do they have conflicts/resentments/hurt, do they have young children, depression/anxiety, are they both working too much? These can all add to having little energy left invest in sexuality and if there are conflicts, partners often will not be open to intimacy. Refusal to let a partner touch them is a way partners say, I don’t like something about you and us. It could also be as simple as touch, quite rapidly leads to sex, especially for men. And if a woman even senses this, she may recoil. Especially if the male has not learned the art of touch, touch intentions and touch without an agenda to stimulate sexual organs and have coitus. Therefore, it is highly recommended that men take courses or study the art of touch, touch intentions and touch without an agenda to stimulate sexual organs and have coitus. Sensual erotic touch has not been taught in our cultures and it is time men take the initiative to elevate their sensual intelligence.

Q: A man from Greenwich, Ct says he wants to learn how to please a woman.

A: This is so often brought up in sessions or workshops. Many men are actually not turned on if their women is not turned on. This can set up an obligatory requirement that women must feel aroused and if not, they move into obligatory mode and fake or worst yet, avoid intimacy. Other men have been rather self focused and genuinely want to expand their intimacy repertoire. I will say that before a man can please anyone, he needs to be proficient in understanding and channeling erotic energy in his own body.  He needs to hold his own space and not energetically suck, pull or demand the energy of a woman. He also can become aware that he may be using his hands much like hardware tools. Through no fault of his own, his methods may be outdated. I highly recommend he learn the various options for channeling erotic source energy in a Tantric session focused on Taoist Tantra and Kundalini Tantra. I also highly recommend he learn the art of touch, layers of prank,  phases of touch and sensuality vs sexuality.

Q A man from Manhattan, NY says he wants to learn how to last longer during sex.

A: There are Tantric Methods that were devised to transmute sexual energy and redistribute this energy to other chakras. To achieve your goal, you can learn the methods and move the energy up or down.

Q: A couple from Greenwich, Ct as, What is Tantrassage, or Tantric Massage? Why is it important to my husband, my wife and our sexuality?

A: Tantra is NOT massage. I fused these words to create volition. Tantrassage is a signature method unique to me. It includes a fusion of breath, muscles, body, mind, energy-body work, touch and the erotic connection between two people. I facilitate the ability to create a phenomenal experience between 2 beings  that is sensual/erotic and therapeutic, relaxing, healing and nourishing. The erotic energy connection opens up blockages, resets the brain waves, and clears the mind. You may be able to feel full body waves, as the Taoists say, and become the multi-orgasmic woman/man. These “orgasms” are not contingent on for example, erection nor ejaculation. They take the best part of having an orgasm, which is energy, and when guided proficiently, amplify and intensify this energy throughout the entire body; again and again. When these full body waves occur, you can connect to all energy centers and channels in your body and have a very powerful experiences that are unfathomable, challenging to describe; unless you are a poet. They are cosmic, heartfelt, esoteric bliss and vast oneness. The waves and journey is still connected and anchored to your eros, but it so much more. Tantrassage is so much more. It is yin and sensual. Partners learn how to connect to themselves and each other through a new magical method. It is extremely powerful. An educated seasoned guide is crucial.

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Today I helped connect another sentient being to the awesome power.